I was starting to get depressed today and the blues about Valentines Day Coming up. I feel like an old man. I'm super ashamed of myself and think I'm a pussy because I can't get girls to chase after me and tell me she devotes all her love to me and desires me and goes out of her way to walk up to me to ask me out, but if I ever actually acted out my man primal instincts bodily desires with the hot girls I like and want to be with and have sex with at the beach it would be illegal. Freedom does not mean to total freedom to do what you want where you want to do something. But the down side to being such a good boy and well behaved young man that to go grow old over time is that women don't think I'm assertive enough and yet I was the one who gave her my name, number, email, websites, city I live in now, my interests, my age, and any possible info she might need or want to know to remember me later on after I asked her out and flirted with and hit on her very directly without pretending I was not interested in her....a woman I just walked up to approach as a complete stranger. I tried and tried again. So many times in my life, it's up in the thousands the number of girls I hit on before. I know it is all a numbers game, but I get hurt if I actually like the girl want to have her company around me and respect her and consider her a solid fine person to admire and be pleased with in general. Hot immature girls can also tear me inside that I did not get her, but it still hurts and cuts into me deep wounds but it doesn't hurt as bad as a woman who my peers and mom and dad and brother and sister would like also as a representative of me for my better half. Immature hot babes and groupies or bimbos or the stuck up self absorbed huge ego sluts really full of themselves and into them selves first and foremost, might drive me wild but would drive my parents and friends and peers away being around someone dislikable and very juvanile who bothers them or is not someone they would want me to be around or for them to be around as a kind of unfortunate requirement package deal that comes with me. But no worries no girls I seem to crush on like me back, much...and I never never get the hot trampy or slutty flashy show off girls...it never seems to get far at all with a fallen woman or the party girls. I fail and get shot down every time, but with someone new just the same familiar results over and over again as a kind of life sentence torture that follows me on my journey so far in life. I know I'm not alone or singled out as a guy that magically every other guy can just walk up and get any girl he likes or wants just like that. The hot girls can get any guy she wants anytime anywhere she goes. The sexy macho or idealistic looking men still do get rejected by many women even if they do in fact get laid and pull chicks all the time as women who literally not a figure of speech go open themselves up to him.
I don't want a smart or mature adult woman to think I'm below her or not worthy and good enough for her and get mean or cold or rude to me. I prefer child like and childish hot girls so if they reject me...it still pains me and hurts me reaallllllyyyy bad inside for a long time, but in the end what do I care shes just a childish dumb immature spoiled brat with good looks but more work than was planned or forseen when I first saw her or met her and liked her and developed a huge crush and fixated about her and grew strong feelings and an attraction to her when she was around me. The more a woman is mature and has all her shit together and all her ducks lined up in a row, the harder it is for me to like her sexually attractive kind of way, and it hurts really stronger and much more potent when they ignore me or go off on me or reject me than the hot babes nobody including myself takes all that seriously, but keeps her on a level of amusement and entertainment but not a woman of deep thought and convictions to relate back to in that way.
Mature grown up women are a great bet to want in my life, but I can't get them either. And I don't want a woman with kids unless they are full grown past age 18 and now adults out of high school or only little children under the age or 7 or 8 tops. Why? Because I don't want to compete with the kids for who is better and who is the loser or weakest link or best or worst at something. If she is in Mom mode, then I'm not looking to get punished or grounded or scolded and yelled at like I was her child...and I don't want to be in competition with her teenage son or daughter on life accomplishments or jobs, income, experiences, cool or not as cool. Forget it, I need nurture love and acceptance and someone to have my back if needed and get or try to understand me, in the very least like having me around and play with me or toy with me often. It's not so much the fact that the woman once had a baby growing inside of her that came out and stretched everything out on her body. As much I don't want me and my life so far compared to not being as good or worthy as her kids lives and examples of accomplishments and success in life.
As far a being a protector provider goes...I'm pretty brave on many things, so. But I am sure not rolling in the dough or set up currently or in the near future on how to pay for a lazy live at home house wive driving to her Yoga Classes every day and coffee lunch cafes with her friends and bars to get drunk at before heading home to get to bed...I don't have extra income to get my own place to live right now and pay for children. I would love to be happily married to someone I love who also loves me back, YES! But I do not have the income to adopt kids and pay for a live at home wife. I can't even currently keep my head afloat with money, meals, or a place to be living without my parents help. My independence is gone right now. I still have all my student loans that are overwhelming to be reality with and not try to shut it out not being able to pay for it, thinking that college and school was the worst idea in my life taking on a life expense that will follow me till I die maybe longer even. College is not worth it. Grad school to get a teaching credential was a big mistake I made thinking at the time being a teacher and in the program would be a good idea and great direction in life to head in and then retire from in my elderly years as a teacher. I'm a pretty sharp and smart guy, but boy was I stupid to walk right into the world of drap shoddy buracracy and bitter snide back stabbing untrustworthy people trying to protect themselves and themselves alone found in the public schools and in the college teaching program. Mr. Naive was not prepared for the real truth that college is now just for girls and way to expensive for it to be actually worth it and the cost of college to ruin you the rest of your young adult to old adult life. I learned a lot, met a lot of interesting people, yes, sure, college a few years ago changed me for the better but what I am left with now 2 to 3 years later is huge dept and no friends that want to still keep in touch and see me ever again except a few that are nice on facebook online. I did get my start in finally doing stand up comedy in the class at Long Beach State 3 years ago. So that was worth it. The rest, it was an experience, journey, kind of an adventure with more hard work than any far away lands to travel to or on the road excursions out of my element. I was in my car driving to all the different far away schools to teach and observe the classrooms at for 3 years. But it was more required work and professional than it was a vacation. But teaching the kids and teens art and art ideas and knowledge was fun and fufilling to me.
This is not my typical love letter or an apology love letter any women who were on my crushes list before have come to expect to find here on my websites coming from me, the horses mouth which you heard it from. The rule of thumb is this...if the girl is not a famous supermodel bikini model if she rejects me either in person or online and knows my full name or websites she will come on here and a few of them will read this or anything about women I list to find online. If you build it they will come Field OF Dreams baseball field in the middle of a farm crops kind of thing without the baseball hero ghosts spitting chew while waiting to go pitch the 9th inning and get the other team out to close the game. Famous models and famous hot b or c or d list babes and girls if the ignore or reject me, they, well most of them won't be on here ever. Sexy but small time famous hot model girls who I hit on before are the ones on here the most, famous babes not so much. Comic Con floor show booth babe famous yes, Auto Show bikini model contest winner famous no.
If any of the hot girls who remember that I liked her read this, I could use a few things these days: here we go with my list=
A place to crash at in LA when I come up to visit, do a comedy gig, go to a convention event, or come up to see friends or buy comics collection that day. Not really thinking I'm going to get some and get lucky as much could use a couch and parking space and make more friends to hang out with and be around
Go clothes shopping to sell old vintage used clothes to the San Diego vintage clothing stores. If you have old clothes and are a cool girl or a hot one you have some clothes or shoes worth money at resale to other fashionable shoppers would want to buy at these stores. I like to sell old clothes and make some money and carrying around from the car to the store heavy trash bags full of clothes. I can either take your old clothes you don't want or need anymore and unclutter your closet or go with you as company friends or a date to sell the old clothes.
Get out and be out and about more often doing more types of activities in more types of places, like go an a nice hike or walk someplace cool, like walk around a lake bike path here in San Diego, go walk the hollywood sign Griffith Park area of LA again. Things like that, Not interested in sitting on your sofa in the living room bored and sullen while you get stoned and high on pot in your bedroom. Not interested in sitting at a chair at your kitchen/living room table as you call your friend or play video games that only involve you and do not include me in any way. Clothes shopping is different...For one it is a date with lots of flirting and attraction for each other...social interaction and personal connection takes place and I can be out and about around other people in a place I would not usually be at otherwise. So it's cool to go with me to the mall, especially if you entice and tease and flirt with me to be seductive while shopping and spending your time with me, the malls also often have a movie theater to go watch a current popular film that just came out recently and the food court to grab some ethnic food and people watch.
Make friends with you in general. I can even be your guy friend therapist if you want if I connect to you or still find you sexy and attractive and exciting to me. Some girls I am not interested in being her therapist guy friend with, some girls I am not comfortable with leading her on in a way in which to get laid but not care much about her as a girlfriend I'm not into, so I never and I never take free samples just because it's sitting out there waiting for me, unless I am hungry and that is going to be my meal I was looking forward to all week and thinking the whole entire day about over and over again in state of bliss and euphoria!
I don't want a smart or mature adult woman to think I'm below her or not worthy and good enough for her and get mean or cold or rude to me. I prefer child like and childish hot girls so if they reject me...it still pains me and hurts me reaallllllyyyy bad inside for a long time, but in the end what do I care shes just a childish dumb immature spoiled brat with good looks but more work than was planned or forseen when I first saw her or met her and liked her and developed a huge crush and fixated about her and grew strong feelings and an attraction to her when she was around me. The more a woman is mature and has all her shit together and all her ducks lined up in a row, the harder it is for me to like her sexually attractive kind of way, and it hurts really stronger and much more potent when they ignore me or go off on me or reject me than the hot babes nobody including myself takes all that seriously, but keeps her on a level of amusement and entertainment but not a woman of deep thought and convictions to relate back to in that way.
Mature grown up women are a great bet to want in my life, but I can't get them either. And I don't want a woman with kids unless they are full grown past age 18 and now adults out of high school or only little children under the age or 7 or 8 tops. Why? Because I don't want to compete with the kids for who is better and who is the loser or weakest link or best or worst at something. If she is in Mom mode, then I'm not looking to get punished or grounded or scolded and yelled at like I was her child...and I don't want to be in competition with her teenage son or daughter on life accomplishments or jobs, income, experiences, cool or not as cool. Forget it, I need nurture love and acceptance and someone to have my back if needed and get or try to understand me, in the very least like having me around and play with me or toy with me often. It's not so much the fact that the woman once had a baby growing inside of her that came out and stretched everything out on her body. As much I don't want me and my life so far compared to not being as good or worthy as her kids lives and examples of accomplishments and success in life.
As far a being a protector provider goes...I'm pretty brave on many things, so. But I am sure not rolling in the dough or set up currently or in the near future on how to pay for a lazy live at home house wive driving to her Yoga Classes every day and coffee lunch cafes with her friends and bars to get drunk at before heading home to get to bed...I don't have extra income to get my own place to live right now and pay for children. I would love to be happily married to someone I love who also loves me back, YES! But I do not have the income to adopt kids and pay for a live at home wife. I can't even currently keep my head afloat with money, meals, or a place to be living without my parents help. My independence is gone right now. I still have all my student loans that are overwhelming to be reality with and not try to shut it out not being able to pay for it, thinking that college and school was the worst idea in my life taking on a life expense that will follow me till I die maybe longer even. College is not worth it. Grad school to get a teaching credential was a big mistake I made thinking at the time being a teacher and in the program would be a good idea and great direction in life to head in and then retire from in my elderly years as a teacher. I'm a pretty sharp and smart guy, but boy was I stupid to walk right into the world of drap shoddy buracracy and bitter snide back stabbing untrustworthy people trying to protect themselves and themselves alone found in the public schools and in the college teaching program. Mr. Naive was not prepared for the real truth that college is now just for girls and way to expensive for it to be actually worth it and the cost of college to ruin you the rest of your young adult to old adult life. I learned a lot, met a lot of interesting people, yes, sure, college a few years ago changed me for the better but what I am left with now 2 to 3 years later is huge dept and no friends that want to still keep in touch and see me ever again except a few that are nice on facebook online. I did get my start in finally doing stand up comedy in the class at Long Beach State 3 years ago. So that was worth it. The rest, it was an experience, journey, kind of an adventure with more hard work than any far away lands to travel to or on the road excursions out of my element. I was in my car driving to all the different far away schools to teach and observe the classrooms at for 3 years. But it was more required work and professional than it was a vacation. But teaching the kids and teens art and art ideas and knowledge was fun and fufilling to me.
This is not my typical love letter or an apology love letter any women who were on my crushes list before have come to expect to find here on my websites coming from me, the horses mouth which you heard it from. The rule of thumb is this...if the girl is not a famous supermodel bikini model if she rejects me either in person or online and knows my full name or websites she will come on here and a few of them will read this or anything about women I list to find online. If you build it they will come Field OF Dreams baseball field in the middle of a farm crops kind of thing without the baseball hero ghosts spitting chew while waiting to go pitch the 9th inning and get the other team out to close the game. Famous models and famous hot b or c or d list babes and girls if the ignore or reject me, they, well most of them won't be on here ever. Sexy but small time famous hot model girls who I hit on before are the ones on here the most, famous babes not so much. Comic Con floor show booth babe famous yes, Auto Show bikini model contest winner famous no.
If any of the hot girls who remember that I liked her read this, I could use a few things these days: here we go with my list=
A place to crash at in LA when I come up to visit, do a comedy gig, go to a convention event, or come up to see friends or buy comics collection that day. Not really thinking I'm going to get some and get lucky as much could use a couch and parking space and make more friends to hang out with and be around
Go clothes shopping to sell old vintage used clothes to the San Diego vintage clothing stores. If you have old clothes and are a cool girl or a hot one you have some clothes or shoes worth money at resale to other fashionable shoppers would want to buy at these stores. I like to sell old clothes and make some money and carrying around from the car to the store heavy trash bags full of clothes. I can either take your old clothes you don't want or need anymore and unclutter your closet or go with you as company friends or a date to sell the old clothes.
Get out and be out and about more often doing more types of activities in more types of places, like go an a nice hike or walk someplace cool, like walk around a lake bike path here in San Diego, go walk the hollywood sign Griffith Park area of LA again. Things like that, Not interested in sitting on your sofa in the living room bored and sullen while you get stoned and high on pot in your bedroom. Not interested in sitting at a chair at your kitchen/living room table as you call your friend or play video games that only involve you and do not include me in any way. Clothes shopping is different...For one it is a date with lots of flirting and attraction for each other...social interaction and personal connection takes place and I can be out and about around other people in a place I would not usually be at otherwise. So it's cool to go with me to the mall, especially if you entice and tease and flirt with me to be seductive while shopping and spending your time with me, the malls also often have a movie theater to go watch a current popular film that just came out recently and the food court to grab some ethnic food and people watch.
Make friends with you in general. I can even be your guy friend therapist if you want if I connect to you or still find you sexy and attractive and exciting to me. Some girls I am not interested in being her therapist guy friend with, some girls I am not comfortable with leading her on in a way in which to get laid but not care much about her as a girlfriend I'm not into, so I never and I never take free samples just because it's sitting out there waiting for me, unless I am hungry and that is going to be my meal I was looking forward to all week and thinking the whole entire day about over and over again in state of bliss and euphoria!
