PERSONAL GOALS 2012
I might go and re-write this again this is just the first draft I'm writing and typing as I think.
I want to be a stronger person, a better role model, and more of a leader. I want to treat myself and my body better by actually hitting the gym again at least every week. I do do about 2 hours of walking a day and 3 hours of hip hop dancing a week. And I also do 2 hours of horseback riding each week. When I say I want to treat myself better, I don't mean by shopping for things that I want to own...I mean I want to treat myself with more respect and not shoot myself in the foot socially with someone or set myself up for rejection from others somehow. I know nobody is more disappointed in me than myself, even my mom and dad or family is not as let down by who I am as myself. I live a clean lifestyle, but I try way to hard to impress some of the girls I find I like and look up to and I am ashamed that I have to much anxiety limiting me from just going out and traveling the entire world and have an overseas adventure. I would ignore my fear of being overseas if I was with my parents or I went somewhere to pick up a woman who wanted to marry me that I knew personally and felt strongly was a smart choice or if I were to pick up a baby I was set to adopt. The artwork in the museums is not a strong enough pull to get me on a 14 hour plane flight, at least not in the next year or two. I won't rule it out completely, I have conquered and overcome many of my various fears over the years, some of which I have totally forgot what it was that was so frightening to me many years before now that the fear is gone completely.
On a positive note focusing on my strengths, I plan on filming artist home video documentary short videos about the artists in ceramics or illustration art at CSULB and uploading them to YouTube. I know tons of people fairly well as school social friends on the campus. If the campus is where they make their artwork, all I need is their approval to film them or their artwork and for them to say it is OK for me to upload online. The publicity would be for them, but it is something I want to do, even if it does not directly benefit me somehow, it is practice and cool to be a no budget director and producer. I like no budget filmmaking because I do not get anxious or stressed if I know it will be very amateur and done quickly, the fact that I don't put any pressure at all on myself makes it lots of fun for me to film various things. I'm not about winning an Oscar, so it really doesn't matter if someone else is a better filmmaker than me or not. I want to be a leader, role model, and storyteller who is outgoing, so I just try to be myself with my films as an extension of who I am and how I roll. It also lets me interact with the community and online community to film interesting people. No one else really on campus films the students or teachers in the art department. If I want to do it, I help people get themselves noticed online where people can be exposed to their talents. I filmed myself and my art show and testimonials from my peers in the art department and my teacher. I liked doing it, it felt really good, and a few people have watched these various videos I posted online on Vimeo and on YouTube.
This personal goals 2012 I am not going to jump into the future with a sexy model for a wife and the cool house with all the horses and designer cats running around. I already talked about that fantasy dream and goal in the 2010 and 2011 personal goals. In this personal goals 2012 I plan on finishing what I start here in the present and not living in the future or in the past. I often tend to jump ahead and live in the future moment it is a part of my artistic gift to have such a strong imagination that I am told is off the charts, I want to minimize my fantasy life, by working more on goals in the moment of the present time, rather than lining up my future 5 to 10 years from today. I spend a lot of my time and energy trying to line up a positive dream fantasy future for myself. This might help me in the end, but I know it might scare off some people that I want to become friends with if they notice I think to much about the future and think my dreams are real, that they just haven't hit fruition yet, but they will if I give it enough time and energy. Somethings in my life have worked out for me that way, but friendships and personal relationships with a strong beautiful woman usually do not happen because I planned for it to happen and worked my fingers to the bone trying to implement it to take place in my life. I know that as a dreamer, my fantasies just take off soaring very easily. I want this year to show others my leadership skills in toning down and minimizing my fantasy life I think about all the time.
I want to learn more good social skills so I am not making apologies to everyone I interact with for my social blunders I seem to make. If I can be better at being well liked and not upsetting anyone then I will not have a reason to have to say I'm sorry to the person if I never made them uncomfortable in the first place. This might take me a few years to get the hang of what to do or say around other people. I don't want to be someone that I'm not either, I just want to balance out having the Brent Goodman show and not getting my series canceled as far as social friendship go from poor ratings. I am told that I am to honest and to upfront with everyone, that I should pull back and hide more things about myself or straight out lie to someone to tell them what they want to hear instead of the actual truth or what I am thinking in my head and want to say or am easily willing to say out loud. If it means that the only way to get an actual girlfriend or an art gallery is to hide the truth from someone, and deception is the way relationships and romantic bonds are formed, maybe it is time for me to act like everyone else does. Some people like and respect my outspoken honesty about myself and my reactions to things, but if it is not working socially for me anymore with my goals that I have set out to reach like falling in love, I know it is not only time, but my responsibility to myself and my community to start lying and hiding the truth to move ahead and mature more in life. I am tired of being lonely when it comes to love and romance and ashamed of myself about that subject. If it is expected that I finally grow up and start acting like an adult by playing people for fools by not being truthful around them, then it's time for me to be more adult and act more my age for what society wants. If being a sell out and bullshitter artist socially with others is a requirement for real mature adulthood, I don't want to be left behind and still remain very honest and be seen as childish.
I want to fit in better and I don't want to upset other people or burn any bridges by being socially awkward or making poor decisions with my spur of the moment social skills, that sometimes seem to work and make me popular or leave me as the guy some chick avoids. I want to control my urges and my impulses to impress others like the models who I admire and look up to. What I am currently doing before was not working and I know it is time to consider learning what to do to change so that I can succeed with beautiful women that I find interesting and appealing. I already have taken the first step in seeking out help from others who have better social skills than I do and seek out their insights into how relationships with various other people work. I am probably in the top 1,000 or top 2,000 of most well known and popular guys on the whole campus since I have been here at CSULB. They have close to 60,000 students not including faculty and staff. Many people know me and many people even like me, but I do not have non school off campus friends most of the time. I come home to my clutter, my cat who I dearly love and all my books and a fridge of food. I like having my privacy but miss the days of having lots of friends that I hang out with around town and go grab food or to the movies with.
I want to be a stronger person, a better role model, and more of a leader. I want to treat myself and my body better by actually hitting the gym again at least every week. I do do about 2 hours of walking a day and 3 hours of hip hop dancing a week. And I also do 2 hours of horseback riding each week. When I say I want to treat myself better, I don't mean by shopping for things that I want to own...I mean I want to treat myself with more respect and not shoot myself in the foot socially with someone or set myself up for rejection from others somehow. I know nobody is more disappointed in me than myself, even my mom and dad or family is not as let down by who I am as myself. I live a clean lifestyle, but I try way to hard to impress some of the girls I find I like and look up to and I am ashamed that I have to much anxiety limiting me from just going out and traveling the entire world and have an overseas adventure. I would ignore my fear of being overseas if I was with my parents or I went somewhere to pick up a woman who wanted to marry me that I knew personally and felt strongly was a smart choice or if I were to pick up a baby I was set to adopt. The artwork in the museums is not a strong enough pull to get me on a 14 hour plane flight, at least not in the next year or two. I won't rule it out completely, I have conquered and overcome many of my various fears over the years, some of which I have totally forgot what it was that was so frightening to me many years before now that the fear is gone completely.
On a positive note focusing on my strengths, I plan on filming artist home video documentary short videos about the artists in ceramics or illustration art at CSULB and uploading them to YouTube. I know tons of people fairly well as school social friends on the campus. If the campus is where they make their artwork, all I need is their approval to film them or their artwork and for them to say it is OK for me to upload online. The publicity would be for them, but it is something I want to do, even if it does not directly benefit me somehow, it is practice and cool to be a no budget director and producer. I like no budget filmmaking because I do not get anxious or stressed if I know it will be very amateur and done quickly, the fact that I don't put any pressure at all on myself makes it lots of fun for me to film various things. I'm not about winning an Oscar, so it really doesn't matter if someone else is a better filmmaker than me or not. I want to be a leader, role model, and storyteller who is outgoing, so I just try to be myself with my films as an extension of who I am and how I roll. It also lets me interact with the community and online community to film interesting people. No one else really on campus films the students or teachers in the art department. If I want to do it, I help people get themselves noticed online where people can be exposed to their talents. I filmed myself and my art show and testimonials from my peers in the art department and my teacher. I liked doing it, it felt really good, and a few people have watched these various videos I posted online on Vimeo and on YouTube.
This personal goals 2012 I am not going to jump into the future with a sexy model for a wife and the cool house with all the horses and designer cats running around. I already talked about that fantasy dream and goal in the 2010 and 2011 personal goals. In this personal goals 2012 I plan on finishing what I start here in the present and not living in the future or in the past. I often tend to jump ahead and live in the future moment it is a part of my artistic gift to have such a strong imagination that I am told is off the charts, I want to minimize my fantasy life, by working more on goals in the moment of the present time, rather than lining up my future 5 to 10 years from today. I spend a lot of my time and energy trying to line up a positive dream fantasy future for myself. This might help me in the end, but I know it might scare off some people that I want to become friends with if they notice I think to much about the future and think my dreams are real, that they just haven't hit fruition yet, but they will if I give it enough time and energy. Somethings in my life have worked out for me that way, but friendships and personal relationships with a strong beautiful woman usually do not happen because I planned for it to happen and worked my fingers to the bone trying to implement it to take place in my life. I know that as a dreamer, my fantasies just take off soaring very easily. I want this year to show others my leadership skills in toning down and minimizing my fantasy life I think about all the time.
I want to learn more good social skills so I am not making apologies to everyone I interact with for my social blunders I seem to make. If I can be better at being well liked and not upsetting anyone then I will not have a reason to have to say I'm sorry to the person if I never made them uncomfortable in the first place. This might take me a few years to get the hang of what to do or say around other people. I don't want to be someone that I'm not either, I just want to balance out having the Brent Goodman show and not getting my series canceled as far as social friendship go from poor ratings. I am told that I am to honest and to upfront with everyone, that I should pull back and hide more things about myself or straight out lie to someone to tell them what they want to hear instead of the actual truth or what I am thinking in my head and want to say or am easily willing to say out loud. If it means that the only way to get an actual girlfriend or an art gallery is to hide the truth from someone, and deception is the way relationships and romantic bonds are formed, maybe it is time for me to act like everyone else does. Some people like and respect my outspoken honesty about myself and my reactions to things, but if it is not working socially for me anymore with my goals that I have set out to reach like falling in love, I know it is not only time, but my responsibility to myself and my community to start lying and hiding the truth to move ahead and mature more in life. I am tired of being lonely when it comes to love and romance and ashamed of myself about that subject. If it is expected that I finally grow up and start acting like an adult by playing people for fools by not being truthful around them, then it's time for me to be more adult and act more my age for what society wants. If being a sell out and bullshitter artist socially with others is a requirement for real mature adulthood, I don't want to be left behind and still remain very honest and be seen as childish.
I want to fit in better and I don't want to upset other people or burn any bridges by being socially awkward or making poor decisions with my spur of the moment social skills, that sometimes seem to work and make me popular or leave me as the guy some chick avoids. I want to control my urges and my impulses to impress others like the models who I admire and look up to. What I am currently doing before was not working and I know it is time to consider learning what to do to change so that I can succeed with beautiful women that I find interesting and appealing. I already have taken the first step in seeking out help from others who have better social skills than I do and seek out their insights into how relationships with various other people work. I am probably in the top 1,000 or top 2,000 of most well known and popular guys on the whole campus since I have been here at CSULB. They have close to 60,000 students not including faculty and staff. Many people know me and many people even like me, but I do not have non school off campus friends most of the time. I come home to my clutter, my cat who I dearly love and all my books and a fridge of food. I like having my privacy but miss the days of having lots of friends that I hang out with around town and go grab food or to the movies with.